Disappointment

Friday April 1, 2011 No no news on the cancer front. Waiting for visit on Monday to set the rest of my appointments for Central Line Placement, and Date for first Chemo. Will go to a class for new patients on "Chemo Therapy" This coming Thursday. Went to my first day of my new job. I had been warned by several Nursing and non-nursing friends to not tell them I have cancer. I went back and forth in my mind, and just did not feel good about not disclosing this. I just felt I had to be honest. Well..........they told me I'm still hired, and I have the job when I know for sure I am going to be able to do it. They feel very strongly that I should get my first couple of "chemo's" under my belt and see how I am going to react. If I do well, then great, they are ready to orient me, If I don't then it is in the best interest of both myself and them to wait. At that point I could just wait until I am feeling better. I get it, it makes a lot of sense, but I was really looking forward to this job (not to mention we could use the money with all the medical bills that are already coming in), and felt it would be a real healthy diversion to be able to help others with physical needs while I have my own struggle going on. I can't help but believe I will be blessed on the other side of this for being honest. I really feel it deep to the core. Soooooooooo, it doesn't look good now, but once again...........I get to put faith into action and see what my loving Heavenly Father has in store for me. I am really excited about watching General Conference this week-end. Talk about "timing". As bad as all the rest of the timing of everything seems (and when is any of this good timing?), this is really perfect timing for me to wrap up in a warm blanket in my living room, and then feel myself wrapped up in the Saviors love, as I feel truth and light eminate from his servants, even our Prophet Thomas S. Monson, and the 12 Apostles of God. Boy, one really can't feel too sorry for themselves for too long, when we stop and realize just how blessed we are!! PS.......Dale and I are having our pictures taken next week...........before I cute my hair really short in preparation for it to all fall out. Thanks Nancy for the idea! XOXO