Good days, bad days

Well, I suppose there are good days and bad days (I don't like to think that way, but it is a realistic fact) and today was not  a great day.  I woke up feeling very anxious, a feeling I am growing to dislike more and more. Today however, it was not so easily handed off, undoubtedly partly influenced by the fact that I did not get a good nights sleep. Dale gave me a blessing, and it still did not go away, although it became more intermittent.
One impression I have felt this past couple weeks is "Your mind will move your body". Well, today it made sense.  I got up and just walked through the things I knew I needed to do, albeit my body was not very happy with me. I could have just pulled the sheets up over my head and gotten up tomorrow.

I'm experiencing things I've heard patients talk about for years.  It is interesting how exhausting feeling anxious can be. I'm sure that was part of my problem today.  I also think I'm needing to KNOW the whole scoop.  Knowledge, be it good or bad, is power.  I"m getting anxious to have my PET scan done this Thursday which will tell me if my cancer has spread anywhere else in my body.  I NEED to know, and yet I don't really want to know if it truly has spread. "I will fight your battles" "I will fight your battles" ,"I will fight your battles."

My dear, dear friend, Kathy, (with a "K",  heaven help you if you spell it with a "C"  ha!) I went to BYU with called me about 4PM and we talked until 5:30! We laughed, we cried, we hugged over the phone. She told me she was planting pansies in the snow, while it was snowing!! She was gathering strength in her own life by doing this and I just loved it. Suddenly I am empowered with the Light of Christ again.  I feel the peace, I feel the relief.  Heavenly Father sends his angels, in the form of family, friends, and maybe sometimes strangers...........when we need them.  I am so grateful.

I told my Dale I realize that life was meant to be joyful, but that I realize also the "hard times" never end for any of us and seem to be quite dominating. In accepting that fact it is easier to "let go and Let God".  He surprised me and disagreed with me. He spoke of the many difficulties of his previous life with his dear Joan, their many struggles, pains and trials with her ill health. He said "we learned to find the joy in every day", and sometimes you just have to look harder than others.  It is all about perspective and gratitude for the little things.  Food for thought......Theorhetically I like it and I would have to agree.  Implementing it in really tough times.......well I guess I get to see just how that works!   How blessed I am to have his perspective, devotion, love , tenacity and experience.  Tomorrow is Sunday..........I need a day of rest.  (: