Re-establishing myself into my Blog!

I can not believe it has been almost a month since I've blogged! I guess that is an indication of how well I'm doing.........ha! The bummer is I won't be able to remember things as well, but I will try to re-up to blogging more frequently.

The reality is I have just gotten more and MORE ...and MORE TIRED!!!  So just trying to get through the day is a full time job.  Someone asked me recently "what do you do with all your time"?  I supposed it is the kind of question I would have asked before I knew what it is like to just be trying to survive. Funny thing about time.  I'm spending it one day at a time.  My big goal for each day is to read my scriptures, try and find something healthy to eat and go for my walk (which the doctor says is mandatory to keeping my heart in shape because chemo is so bad on it). Add to that a shower and I'm really done!  My how perspective changes with illness!  When I was feeling good (in my pre-cancer days) I had a never ending list a mile long of things to do. 

Each day, though, when I wake up I usually have about an hour or so where I feel almost normal, I have some energy.  That is the time I try to get things in order.  I have one window of opportunity a day and I make good on it.  When I'm done...........as I tell Dale..........I'M DONE...........you can stick a fork in me.

The same goes for my brain.  There is a real syndrome called "chemo brain". It is particularly pronounced for me on the day I receive my chemo therapy and the next 2 days. (just ask my kids) I just feel not so smart, and thinking is a greater effort, and remembering stuff is even harder.   So, I spend a lot of time trying to "think" and improve myself, but it is a real effort at times. Albeit...........I have a lot of great thoughts through this whole thing, and though this experience is not so great physically, I still have to say spiritually it is fantastic!!!  I have learned so much, and I know there is so much more to learn.  I will share some of my thoughts later.

 First here is a picture of a family that is dear to me.  This is Nathan and Trish Tanner and their children.  I wish the picture was better, it was taken on my cell phone,  but you can still see how cute they are.  This family has adopted me so to speak and just wrapped their arms around me, filling me with complete and total unconditional love.  I'm not sure why, but I feel like we knew each other in the pre-existence and they are supporting me in a way no one else could.  I really feel their love and appreciate their goodness.

I can't figure out why they are upright in my picture and flipped here.  Sorry about that, but they are still cute aren't they???

That is one special family!!!

Just to drop something extra in, Dale had knee surgery 2 weeks ago.  He had a torn ACL and Medial Meniscal tears also!!  So for variety here are a few pictures of Dale:



Jan helping Dale get in the car right after surgery (he's a little groggy)

Yup, looking a bit peak-ed

Coming for his first follow up visit

Freedom from the splint!

looking pretty good all things considering

So you can see life doesn't stop.  I have to admit it has been a real challenge for me with Dale having surgery.  I can barely handle myself and well quite frankly we've been the needy helping the needy.  We just have to laugh if we don't want to cry!!

Here are a few things I am working on:
First the scriptures are full of examples where "Jesus ofttimes restored thither with his disciples"(John 18:2) referring to his habit of spending time restoring His soul in the garden of Gethsemane. If it was important for Jesus, I guess it is important for us!!  We need to take the time to restore our souls each day. Imagine His to-do list and yet He still took time daily to nourish His soul. 

Keep it simple.  I keep hearing that, and yet the application of it gets lost sometimes. Somewhere our priorities are off when we can't get the basics done. So, if we're not making the time each day to do this, what can we do different???? First I guess we really have to WANT to. Then we each have to figure out how that is going to look for us. We know Satan uses "busyness" as a way to keep us from doing the most important things at times. Sorting through out individual busyness is tough, it all seems so "necessary". Yet I always remember hearing when I was a young mother "the children aren't going to remember the clean house as much as they will remember the time you spent with them". Yet at the time, the cooking,cleaning, etc seemed so necessary, though now I can say honestly..........just let it go when opportunity knocks.......go for the kids.

I guess it is all about who we are becoming, our growth, and the atonement.  We have to choose to become Heavenly.  How are we becoming?  Through our daily experiences, good and "bad". It is how we choose to handle our experiences that really matters.  I can choose to be cheerful, or I can choose to be grumpy.  I can choose to accept, or I can choose to whine and complain. I can choose to learn and grow or I can spin in circles wondering "why me?" "why now?"  Endurance internalizes our changes. (are we not all enduring?)  Christ is not concerned with the offering, but the offerer. He does not make up the difference, He makes ALL the difference. "after all WE can do" means  "we.... me and Jesus".