I'm Back, Catch up time

It has been a tough almost 10 weeks since I last wrote. Lots of not feeling good with no energy to write on my Blog, so I will do the best I can to catch up, though it is never as good as doing it as you go along. I'll have to do a lot of summarizing. First I have to say...........I have learned a lot more!!  I now understand people who say they aren't going to go through chemo again, or they don't want a heart transplant, or they don't want some treatment.  I have always been the rah rah, go get 'em type person who would say "Oh but how could you not try, you've got to, life is so worth it!!!"  Well..........I still think life if worth it, and I am in no way suicidal, I just understand.  I am so grateful for this opportunity to be "cured" from cancer, and it is so worth it "this" time.

I have to say though, at my age of 57yrs, if my cancer were to come back in 10-15 years I would be looking at the 70's and it would be so much harder for my body.(and the body will remember, and it is harder on it the second time anyway).  I have made the decision I will not do this again, and it is a good decision.  I will pull out my "bucket list" and go do the things I want to do, spend time with my kids and grandkids, family, friends, and enjoy life to the fullest.  When things get so I am not able to do it anymore, I'll check into hospice and have a pleasant exist with Morphine and hopefully my family at my side. It is a real change in attitude for me, but I truly do understand now.  I think it is great is someone is willing to do it again, especially if they are younger.  This is just MY decision.

I believe strongly in what Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can OR think you can't...You're right" It is all about our attitude.  But sometimes we just don't want to.  When you have been so sick and tired, you are sick and tired of it.  Sometimes you just need to go to bed and experience the sweet respite of sleep, sometimes you just need to cry, and sometimes you just need to say "I don't want to do this"  and it is O.K.  In fact it is part of the process of struggling through trials. At this point we are walking through  the fires of the trial, not easy, but essential to get through to the other side.  Then when the tears are gone, you are rested up, and you feel that spark of life again........you can move forward with the "I think I can"...........and you can and you will and you do".