Great News........Onward and upward

Today I went back to see Dr. Thackar in regards to my blood counts. Hooray.......my WBC count is back up to 5.4 and the surgery is on!!! Surgery is next week on Wednesday October 19 at 7:30 am.  I am so relieved to know we are going to get it done.  My Red cell count and H&H are still too low but they are just planning on transfusing me during surgery to take care of that problem.

The funny thing in all this is while I was in the Dr's office Nancy was texting me cute pictures of Blake and Hailey in their Halloween costumes. So..........naturally I had to show them off.  It was really fun. Grandhildren make everything fun!
Here they are:






"Super Blake"

Halloween Hailey

Aren't they the cutest??!!  I can't believe how big Hailey is!!  Last time I saw her she was a baby..........now she is a little girl (darn cancer!)

Well...........onward and upward.  Life is good, I feel good, my testimony is strong!!  I love.........and am loved. What more could a person want???  (: 

Disappointment, a Psycological Hit 10/6/2011

Dale and I went to lunch after the News interview. We were in great moods, uplifted, fortified and ready to get the surgery over with.  Afterwards we went back to Dr. Naik's (the Surgeon) office for a quick blood draw and then we were headed to see Dr. Thacker (The Plastic Surgeon) for a Pre-op with her.

The nurse escorted me into the room and said Dr. Naik will be in to see you in a minute.  That is when I knew something was "fishy". I was done with my pre-op with Dr. Naik and was here for the nurse to do a blood draw for a "type and screen" for surgery the next day.  Dr. Naik came in and I could tell immediately something was wrong.  She said she was very sorry, but my surgery was going to have to be cancelled for tomorrow and rescheduled because my white blood cell count was too low.  What??!!

I could not believe my ears.  She explained how she had discussed it thoroughly with Dr. Thacker and they were concerned about my potential for not being able to heal well with that low of a blood count.  It all made sense, and I knew it was probably in my best interest, but it was hard for my head and my heart to get it together with this information.  I didn't want to have to WAIT any longer.  I walked out of her office in a daze and went and told Dale.  He felt much the same as I did..........very disappointed.

Next we went to Dr. Thackers office.  She came in and walked right up to me and gave me a big hug and said "I'm sorry".  It felt good to know they cared.  She explained it all over again, and I understood, I accepted it a little better, but I still was disappointed.  The question became  "Why"? Why had my counts just dropped like that??  We didn't really know.  Then I got to thinking..........I had a flu shot the week before.........Now, we will never really KNOW, but that is our strong index of suspicion.  You can't have a flu shot if you are sick with  fever over 101 degrees because of the potential to "overwhelm" your immune system and make you sicker.  Well......my immune system is already "overwhelmed" and delicate as it is just recouperating from chemotherapy..........so very potentially I was affected at MY weak point currently..........my blood counts!! Makes sense to me.

The plan is for me to come back next week on the 12th and have a re-draw of my blood counts.  We hope that my body will be busy fixing itself and the counts will be better.  If not, there is an injection called Neupon they can give me to make my body step it up and make the blood cells.  But we prefer to try and let my body do it on its' own.  Then I will come see Dr. Thacker and Dr. Naik again the next day on Thursday to verify the new plan.  Surgery was rescheduled for Wednesday the 19th.......no matter what!!!!

So my plan is to rest, exercise, eat healthy, stay away from people germs, and be ready for this.  Time to regroup my thinking for another 12 days. Time to pray for increased White blood cells. Actually red blood cells too, they are too low, but not so worrisome to the doctors since they feel comfortable just being able to transfuse a unit of blood. I am going to assume "everything is meant to be" and that this is a blessing in disguise.  I must have needed this extra time to get stronger for the surgery. 

I am in the Lords hands..........he is with me every minute and every step of the way!!!

Koin New 6 Interview

Well it is the day before surgery and I'm headed to the hospital. First to have an hour long interview with Koin News 6  who is having a special about cancer.  They are "hoping" to air it on TV November 4th.  I will have to verify that later.  Apparently Koin news 6 contacted OHSU's Public relations/media person, who asked Dr. Chui (my oncologist) and some of the oncology nurses who they thought would be good for the interview, and they all recommended ME??!!  They were very good about asking me and making sure I was completely O.K. with it. They didn't want me to feel pressured at all..........I really appreciated their approach.  But hey I'm one of the original Petersen's.........no problem, it sounded fun to me.........and it was:



Me, the camera man Brian, and the interviewer
and the camera! 

They started out by filming me entering the office with the medical assistant, getting weighed, vital signs taken, and being asked the "admitting" questions.  They the filmed Dr. Naik entering and  talking with me briefly before my exam. They graciously (and quickly and efficiently) bowed out when it was time for my exam.

When I was done in Dr. Naik's office (an hour later) I was escorted to a very tiny room with a chair (for me) a love seat sized couch (for the interviewer) and the camera on tripod in the corner with a bright light and the camera man.

It was very exciting and fun.  I never felt nervous, I felt really good being able to talk  candidly about some of my experiences with cancer. I was able to say whatever was on my mind and that I felt in my heart.  They asked a few questions, but mostly it was just "tell us about your journey with cancer". The only time I got a little emotional (which I really didn't want to do) was when I talked about the most positive experience related to cancer.........the tender mercies I have experienced.  They are so meaningful, special and real to me.  I would hope everyone could experience that kind of love sometime in their life (and not related to cancer!)

When it was done I asked if we could take a picture and that is how we got the picture above.  They also said I would get a copy of the program when it was done. They were still going to go and interview Dr. Chui, "the oncologist". What great people. I really felt genuine warmth from them. I walked out to the waiting room where Dale was waiting with a great smile and just said "that was really fun".

Moving forward..........preparing for surgery!!!!

On  September 30th I woke up and felt no nausea. Mind you, I don't think there has been a day in 5 months I have not had nausea, I have only mentioned it when I just can't stand it anymore.  So....hesitant to move and start feeling nauseated, I get up to go to the bathroom.....no nausea.  I made it through the next 24 hours with no nausea.  It is now day 6 without nausea!!!  I am so excited!!!  I can not tell you how wonderful it is.  How appreciative I am to FEEL GOOD!!!!!  I still have some weakness and fatigue.........but hey..........it is on it's way out too.........ROCK 'N ROLL.........I'm back!!!!

On now to the next phase...........bilateral mastectomies (removal of both breasts).........ouch!!!  But again, I am grateful to be able to have it done.......AND they are going to do reconstructive surgery at the same time. But first, dad decides to go in for back surgery!! so last week he went to Kaiser Sunnyside and had it done!!



Dad post-op with mom faithfully at his side!





Jared (in the shadows) with Dad at Kaiser Sunnyside

Dad has had a "rocky" recovery so far with pneumonia, low blood counts requiring a transfusion, hypoxia (low oxygen) from it all and some kidney dysfunction.  He had a couple days of real confusion related to all this.  I went to see him the other night after they said he was getting better.  Sherry called just as I got there so I handed the phone to her.  Dad started mumbling about the buffalo, Wyoming, the High Priests, how we had all gone out for a buffet dinner tonight, "and Kirsten and Dale came with us" .....and I realized we still had a problem. I went out and got the nurse, who came in and put dad back on oxygen. I knew we were at a turning point, on one side of the spectrum or other; good vs bad, and got real concerned.  To my great pleasure, dad called me the next night fully alert and oriented.  He turned to the good side of the spectrum and I believe is going to do well, maybe slowly, but he is going to be alright!!!

Now it is October 5th, and in two days is my surgery.  I am just ready to "get 'er done!". Onward and upward is all I can say. So now I am caught up with my blog, just in time to have another lapse post surgery.  But hopefully, for not so long!!! 

LAST CHEMOTHERAPY FOREVER!!!!!!!

Well, I made it.........the last chemotherapy!!  What a relief.  It felt so good to be there and to be able to think, "this is it.....never again.......I'm done with this!" I looked around at my fellow cancer patients and felt great compassion and love for them all.  We are all warriors in this fight, and we all do the best that we can.

I brought with me a decorated flower pot full of hand written laminated uplifting thoughts.  It is my hope than when someone is in need of being uplifted, perhaps one of these just might help.  If it helps just one person, I will be happy.  I am planning to bring some more around and replenish the supply as I can!!!

Knowing how much I was not looking forward to the last two weeks of symptoms Dale took me to the beach for a couple days ( have you figured out it is my favorite place?). This time the balls of both feet swelled and were burned.......and I didnt' even step outside.  At this point I realized it was chemical burns from the chemo (verified later by the nursing staff). I could barely walk.  I made it out to the beach once and sat in a beach chair for a couple hours!! But no walks, I just couldn't do it.

However we did have an interesting experience while sitting in the chairs at the water.  Dale went to sleep (very deep sleep) and I was reading.  I had my eye on the water so if the tide started coming in we could move out of the way in time.  I glanced up to check where the water line was, no problem. About two minutes later I see this wall of water headed rapidly our way!! (only about 2 feet deep, but still!!) I started shaking Dale and yelling at him "Dale, get up, get up Dale!!" He was slow to respond and woke up in total confusion. With no time to spare I jumped up and yelled "grab your stuff and RUN... Run Dale, Run!!" I could see he wasn't going to make it, so I made an executive decision, knowing he wasn't PHYSICALLY in danger, I decided to protect MY gear and RUN!!!  So I grabbed my chair ( with my kindle, cell phone, Ensign and other precious stuff) and RAN.  Since I wasn't so fast, and yet operating on pure adrenalin, I barely made it out of the waves' way.

When I was safely out of the way, I turned back to see poor Dale, standing in the water, wondering what had hit him, with ALL HIS STUFF SOPPING WET! At this point it became humorous and I could not stop laughing as I headed back to help him pick up and salvage what we could.  Other people on the beach were all kind of gathering their wits about them too and wondering "what just happened?"


I've heard about "sneaker waves"  all my life but have never experienced one.  I suddenly realized this was just that!!  I could see how there is no way to prepare for it, guess it's coming, or get out of its' way if you are in the wrong place, such as standing on some rocks or cliffs where perhaps you shouldn't be. As with all things in life "experiencing" it sure puts another perspective on it.  Truly there is wisdom in taking stock of what others, who have experienced a particular situation in life, have to say about it.
One just doesn't "know" what you don't know.

Finally.........Dale surprised me with two white roses to congratulate me for making it through chemotherapy.  I cried, it was so thoughtful, and I was so grateful to be done!!




My celebration flowers!! All done with Chemo!!



57th Birthday 9/13/2011

As the nurses have advised and warned me, chemotherapy affects are "cumulative". This means they get worse as time goes on. So true to their form, the next couple weeks were not fun.  I got a "burn" on the ball of my right foot, I thought from stepping outside for a second in the hot sun. It ws extremely painful and difficult to walk.  But......I know better than to say "what next", no, no,no, wrong question. One day at a time.  Lots of nausea and just plan feeling weak and miserable. It was hard to even think of doing this one more time. Every day just seems like forever.  I just want to feel good again!! Ugh!

Then in the middle of all this comes my 57th birthday, quite anticlimatic, but nevertheless.......my birthday. Traditionally Dale and I (and whoever else can from the family) have gone out to McGraths for my birthday since I love seafood, and he loves the pictures they take there.  (he has one from every year since we got married on his bedside table!! what a nut!) So we went........it was difficult, and the food didn't taste very good to me, not because it isn't good, but because food just doesn't taste good on chemotherapy. 

So Dale is all excited to get my picture taken and the waiter informs us their camera is broken!! Fortunately I have my cell phone and we get him to take a picture with it.  This is how it turned out:



Dale likes the bald head, personally
I'm looking forward to hair again!



Nathan and Claudia visit from Boston, Chemo #3 on 9/2/2011

We got home from the beach in time for a visit from my Nephew Nathan and his wife Claudia (from Chile) and their two children Danni and Emily. They live in Boston, so this was a real extra treat, short lived and in conjunction with my third chemotherapy with A/C (Adriamycin and Cytoxin).

Nathan and Claudia are a really fun couple/family.  They are both very dedicated to their family and it is so refreshing to see. Nathan is successful in his work out of the home, but it is clear where his priorities lie..........good for you Nathan.  Here are some pictures:















Nathan, Claudia, Danni and Emily




Grandpa Jared and Emily







Daddy and Danni






Claudia (with chld #3 in the"oven") helping out in Oldemor's kitchem



Daddy and Emily. This stroller of Oldemor's has been played with by EVERY
grandchild and now the great grandchildren!!

  

Aunt Sherry and Danni (hey look they match colors!)


So now you see this beautiful part of our family.  We recognize each and every day how very blessed we are!! Thank-you Nathan and Claudia for your visit.


Next came my third chemo.  It was just Dale and I this time, and I just barely dragged myself in for it.  He kept telling me "only one more after this."  Yes I thought, but I just don't want to do it anymore!  Chemo was fine as usual..........but I knew what was coming.  My lack of picture taking kind of reflects my attitude.  I only took one picture.  It is of John, who weighs and takes our vital signs every time we come in.  He and I have a special connection.........our birthdays are on the same day (albeit his came a few years after mine), plus he is kind of a character (in a good way).  I admire his organizational skills, when they are really busy, he can admit 3-4 patients at once.  We are all trained to line up, give the person in front space so as to keep their privacy, and we all get admitted without feeling like we are just a number.  This is John admitting the person "in front' of me.

John (in the scrubs) efficiently doing his thing



Katie's birthday at the Beach 8/28 through 8/30

The next 8 days were pretty much horrible.  Trying to explain the fatigue alone of chemo is difficult.  It is completely different from being totally exhausted after pushing yourself through say a 12 hours shift in the emergency room, or staying up all night with a child (I've done both).  Those are tough, but I could always "push myself through" until I had to.  When chemo fatigue hits, you are done.  It is like at a cellular level, and your body just won't go.  There is no pushing through it, you stop. Then add to that the "achy brachy's" from the Neulasta injections, nausea, etc. etc. You just take it one day at a time, and often one hour at a time...........knowing "this too shall pass" but not wanting to do it anymore.  I would have to keep my focus elsewhere or I could drive myself crazy.

Day #9 (post chemo) I had planned to take Rachel and her four children to the beach for Katie's birthday.  I had forewarned them that they might be going by themselves, but if at all possible, I would go with them. Heck, I could just as well be sick in a condo at the beach as at home.  I also warned them "when grandma is going to bed, I'm going to bed. It can be any time of the day." The big problem was trying to make the drive by car.

Well, as you might guess...I went with them, not feeling the best, but always with hope. Maybe the beach air will help a little?  Well, I started out not so well by tripping and falling as soon as we got to the condo.  Rachel just happend to snap a picture (she did ask me if I was alright first, albeit, how did I know quite yet?)

 It was really tough at times.  I walked down to the beach with them and that  was it for my energy. But after laying down for a while, I actually got my feet and legs in the water and got some good pictures:

Katie the birthday girl, gettting down into the sand and water!



Danni taking charge of the waves!

                                               




Alex, are you digging for clams?

Rachel, actually getting to sit and relax for a change!

                                 





The BIG sisters, Alex and Kelly...........teenagers!!!

                                      




Here's a rare one.....Rachel is actually in the water AND having fun!

Yes, she's definitely having fun!









Get ready........and





 

Go!


We headed back to the condo and grandma took a long nap.  I woke up hungry and decided to try good old Doogers with the kids. So we headed out and I made it through dinner with them.  Here are a couple of pictures from that dinner, most of them just didn't turn out this time:

Kelly

Rachel


One thing is for sure...........there is nothing like family............in the good times and in the bad tines!









 







Red Lobster and the Practical Joke

I had to keep up with out tradition to go out to Red Lobster with the girls. So after chemo we headed there........with a plan. ( First we picked up their sister Cat, Dale's daughter). I have 4 wigs and decided I could have a little fun with them.  So.........we decided that intermittently throughout our meal I would get up and run to the bathroom and changes wigs while the waiter wasn't looking.......just for fun and see how he would react.  It was very fun and interesting but did not turn out at all like I thought it might.  Wig #1 is my redheaded wig I was wearing at chemotherapy. The first picture below is after I made the first switch.  Here are the pictures:



Wig # 2 , brown with blond steaks

Nancy and Rachel, eating and laughing after the first switch!

Wig #3 brown and sassy

Wig #4 Gray

Cat and Kirsten enjoying the joke

Return to wig #1, the Redhead

As we went through our meal laughing and enjoying ourselves, our waiter came and went and never made a comment about the changes in my hair. He gave us excellent service and just acted like nothing. I thought he might laugh with us, or say SOMETHING.  Finally when I was handing him the bill with the payment I said "you know, you've been very professional today. So much so, that I can't believe you haven't noticed I've had four different wigs on through out this meal.  You have not made a single comment." Then I pulled out all the wigs and got my smile from him (but not a laugh).  It was fun.  I guess ultimately it was a set up for him, because if he said anything in reaction and it was not to our liking, it could affect him negatively.  So, I guess as it goes, he made the wise and prudent decision for himself.  Here he is:

Me, the four wigs and our waiter!

 What a great day.  Then I had to go home, knowing the chemo side effects were headed my way.  AND THEY WERE!



Second Chemo of Adriamycin and Cytoxin/September 16,2011

Well you can't tell me it isn't possible to have fun at chemo. A little steroids, and some great company can make for a pretty good "high" and some good times before the side effects hit:

Nancy and Rachel "I think they're laughing both at and with me"



Me and my wig massaging the massage therapist Gladys



Deirdre, my favorite RN coordinator
She is fun, real, and gets done what I can't or won't

Explaining some sort of great technique I just heard about.
Who says you have to just lay there and think about the "poison" going into your system?

The Chemo therapy RN "playing with my Smart Port" (my IV access)


All in all, we had a great time.  We love OHSU and the nurses and volunteers, everyone has been so wonderful to us!
Next we headed off to Red Lobster, that's another story, wait 'til you hear what we did!!

I'm Back, Catch up time

It has been a tough almost 10 weeks since I last wrote. Lots of not feeling good with no energy to write on my Blog, so I will do the best I can to catch up, though it is never as good as doing it as you go along. I'll have to do a lot of summarizing. First I have to say...........I have learned a lot more!!  I now understand people who say they aren't going to go through chemo again, or they don't want a heart transplant, or they don't want some treatment.  I have always been the rah rah, go get 'em type person who would say "Oh but how could you not try, you've got to, life is so worth it!!!"  Well..........I still think life if worth it, and I am in no way suicidal, I just understand.  I am so grateful for this opportunity to be "cured" from cancer, and it is so worth it "this" time.

I have to say though, at my age of 57yrs, if my cancer were to come back in 10-15 years I would be looking at the 70's and it would be so much harder for my body.(and the body will remember, and it is harder on it the second time anyway).  I have made the decision I will not do this again, and it is a good decision.  I will pull out my "bucket list" and go do the things I want to do, spend time with my kids and grandkids, family, friends, and enjoy life to the fullest.  When things get so I am not able to do it anymore, I'll check into hospice and have a pleasant exist with Morphine and hopefully my family at my side. It is a real change in attitude for me, but I truly do understand now.  I think it is great is someone is willing to do it again, especially if they are younger.  This is just MY decision.

I believe strongly in what Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can OR think you can't...You're right" It is all about our attitude.  But sometimes we just don't want to.  When you have been so sick and tired, you are sick and tired of it.  Sometimes you just need to go to bed and experience the sweet respite of sleep, sometimes you just need to cry, and sometimes you just need to say "I don't want to do this"  and it is O.K.  In fact it is part of the process of struggling through trials. At this point we are walking through  the fires of the trial, not easy, but essential to get through to the other side.  Then when the tears are gone, you are rested up, and you feel that spark of life again........you can move forward with the "I think I can"...........and you can and you will and you do".

Lewisville Park Picnic with Mom,Dad,Sherry and Jared

We really struggled with wanting to go to our church picnic yesterday.  But we always ultimately ended up with the fact that, even though it was outside (which is why we kept thinking maybe we should go) ultimately there are just too many people, and too many potential "huggers" with a potential

 - known or unknown to them-viruses/germs, that I just can't take a chance with my compromised immune system. So my sister Sherry "fixed" it without even knowing by organizing a family picnic at Lewisville Park. We said "Yes!"

What a great day!  There were hardly any people at the park and of course we had our own little spot. We had fun eating, talking and laughing,  playing games, we even took "my" walk, and  took naps!! (all of us).  The weather was perfect, the air was fresh, the sound of the youth over running and screaming at the river echoed in the background........basically it was a perfect day:



The "picnic" (minus me, of course I'm taking the picture)




Sherry and dad...........so much alike



Kirsten and Dale

Kirsten (without her hat) and Dale









Mom and Jared (I think they look related)

After eating we all cozied up and took naps.  These trees below are what we looked up to on either side of us. It was great. What more could you want?

Sherry, mom, Dale and Dad in that order above having the big "Nap"

Sherry and I in two above pictures went for a "hike" after the nap. I got winded on the hills, but kept going



We got home about 8:15 PM...........beat and ready for bed.  We got a phone call fronm Sister Ulrich saying she was here from Sandy Utah and could she come see us.  Anyone else at that moment I would have said I was sorry but just too beat.  But I knew this was a special opportunity and jumped up and said yes!!  We had the most wonderful visit, and she had mother with her too!!
So  now I know whyAlli Ulrich is so special,  so is her mom!!! I'm devastated that I couldn't find my camera (was probably just too tired) but they took pictures and promised to send them to me and I'll get them in here when I get them!!) Alli is one of those people that everyone just loves.  We loved having her here when she was on her mission and I learned so much from her!!!

Well, I think this day is probably getting full enough.  Tomorrow is Chemo #2  for the A/C drugs.  My body knows it and my mind has to talk to it and calm it down.  I'll be taking Dexamethazone in a few hours and then the count down begins......Gratitude....gratitude.......gratitude.
Here is a favorite thought of mine from President Harold B. Lee:

You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is....
you cannot light a fire in another soul unless it is burning in your soul.