Just Tired

Just tired today. Had a great walk at Klineline with Dale. Dale says he is going to drag my toosh out there come rain or shine because he loves me and the statistics show those who do their daily walk through chemo do 50% better and are much less likely to have heart problems related to the drugs. Oh and because Dr. Chui said he wants me to do it! I'm not complaining, I am grateful to be able to do it and have help.

We went to Stake Conference tonight.  The talks were excellent (as usual) and there was a special musical number which got me crying thinking about if I could see Christ at my side.  I can sure feel Him.  I could feel His spirit throughout the conference.  Conference always helps me see a broader more eternal picture of my life, which is a good thing right now.  I am re-assured that I am in His Plan" for me" right now, and that makes it O.K. with me. May I grow as I am intended to, despite my weaknesses, and come full circle to live with Him again someday.

Dale and I left the meeting as soon as the Closing Song began so I could try and dodge some germs that my ever weakening immune system is less and less capable of handling. Hope you all understand. I'm not up to handshaking or hugging right now.  But always up for the "love".

Wig shopping pictures Up

Finally figured out how to transfer Rachels pictures to the blog. so they are posted now on the "time for a wig..........or two" day.  Have fun! (we did)
Kirsten

Day After First Chemo

Well......I was up again until 2:30am fighting the steroids, wow!  I got about 4 1/2 hours sleep. When  I got up my face chest and throat were beet red, so I message Deirdre and she wrote me back that it is probably the Steroids. Like....duh........I knew that. Being "the patient" is so different than being the nurse.  Then I went back to my bathroom and had to take another picture.  You can see how cancer is taking over my universe:



Those sheets of papers all over my mirror are my lists of instructions to keep my medications straight!

 It didn't take long and I felt wired up on steroids again.  So I made a lot of business phone calls, paid some bills, did some loads of laundry, made some laundry soap (thank-you Betty Clapp!) and then I started not feeling well........just slowing down and getting tired, right when my friend Colleen stopped by to give me a beautiful wall hanging that states "what illness cannot do". Thank-you Colleen.  I did not let her in the house and she understood.  I was not in shape for a visit and she knew it, she just stopped by for a brief cheer up.  Here's the wall hanging:

The wall continues to grow, taking on a life of it's own!!

Dale went to get some new tires on the car and somewhere in his comings and goings a neighbor showed up with a bouquet of tulips. Dale said "he" wanted to remain nameless.........well I immediately knew who it was. Thanks Scott and Linda!!  You are so sweet.  Have I said lately I am very blessed!!!

Our neighbor Jan called to tell us she is O.K. in Alabama!!  She was right there next to the neighborhood that was devastated by the tornado!!  I'm so thankful to the Lord that you are O.K. Jan! You know, I just might need you when you come home! 

Thank-you to Emily for writing on grandma's Blog. It made me cry tears of joy to read how much you love me.  I had fun playing "witch" with you in the park too, and you better believe we will be doing it again. Just hang on, be patient, and keep praying for grandma! ( I pray for you every night too!)

Thank-you again EVERYONE for loving me and praying for me.  I continue to feel strength. Tomorrow is the first day I will probably start feeling the yuckies from the chemo.  So if I don't write, never mind, I'll write soon!

Heavenly Father has a plan for me, and my plan.............is to follow His!







First Day of Chemotherapy....wow!

I woke up today thinking.........."wow, just think if I had my cancer twenty years ago, they wouldn't have the DNA specific study drug available for my aggressive tumor! I am so grateful to be able to have this treatment at this time".  I got up and just felt such a deep sense of gratitude"  The more grateful I felt, the more peace I felt and then I realized there is a deep connection between the two. The Light of Christ shines more deeply on me when I am grateful for what I have. 

Well it was a get up and go morning.  I had everything packed and double packed from last night.  The pre-chemo steroids I took had me running around like I was on speed until 2am, when I finally got some Ativan to kick it down a notch and was able to read myself to sleep.  So.......not starting out here too good with sleep..............ahhhh, but  I'm grateful I was able to sleep at all, and the sleep I got was deep and good!

Dale fixed me some home made pancakes, with applesauce and jam (the way I like them). We also had some Greek yogurt with oranges..........yum!.  Rachel showed up exactly on time (she got that from her dad Tom and she bragged that she did!). We said prayer and took off.  Here's what we looked like:

                                                              Mom and Rachel we are on it!
                                                               we're going to war....to win!

                                            Kirsten and Dale....note Dale's T-Shirt says from the
                                                       Belfast we visited in England
                                                  "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON"

                                                               Checking in...........

                                          Getting ready to have my Port accessed for the first time
                                                       kinda weird.........I should be the nurse!

                                                That is a needle she is sticking into me!

                                                     Drawing some blood.....they'll do this
                                                                     every week

                                        Back to the waiting room to wait to see Dr. Chui next

                                          Checking out the hats which have been donated for
                                                                  cancer patients!!

                                          Kirsten and Dr Chui..........love his smile and attitude

Had a great visit with Dr. Chui.  He is excited to have me on the "right drug". He did quite an extensive exam, palpating, measuring, palpating, measuring. My tumor has grown in the past three weeks. No surprise with the aggressive Her2 Characteristic. The thought kind of freaked me out, but he reminded me of the anology between Penicillin and Pneumonia.  If you have a rip roaring pneumonia and you throw the wrong drug at his you may be dead, but if you know the right drug  is Penicillin............you've got it!  He says it was worth the extra three weeks (and growth) to know we are putting me on the right drugs!!!  I feel he is right. Anyway he says we are ready to go to war and kick its' butt...........and win!! I felt really good after our visit. I love him.......he is so practical, extremely knowledgeable and professional,and yet he relates well with his patients at OUR level.   

Next we were off to the actual chemotherapy room........ooh......aah

                                                        John and Kirsten getting started:    

John and I "bonded".  He told us there is a really "Posh" star personality born on the  same date as my birthday and had us going trying to figure out who it was. We gave up ..........to find out it was him!! We laughed.  We decided it was good luck to have the same birthdays and could only be a "good omen" for my day. It was, the day evolved very positively.



Here's Nurse Carol, another of Gods angels. She hooked me up to the IVs and monitored me.

 She cracked me up when I went to the bathroom (of course taking my IV with me) and came back to sit down she  said something like "what are you doing, you are not the nurse here, you are the patient". I looked a bit confused and said ,"well I can do this......can't I?"  She laughed  and said of course you can! (got me!)



Deirdre and Kirsten

No visit is complete without seeing Deirdre.......MY  NURSE CO-COORDINATOR (well I guess I have to share her but I love her!!) She is so efficient, even Dr. Chui says "just ask Deirdre about all  the details.....she knows all that stuff!). She keeps me centered and real. Gives me straight information, just like Dr Chui does too, and is warm and fun too!! Yep, once again I see the Lord  is with me every step of the way.

 She reviewed all my possible side effects and exactly what to do for them and when! She got my prescriptions sent down to pharmacy and ready to pick up. (a huge help as you all know!) Also, she re-iterated to call her about any little complaint I have and not wait!!  She also re-iterated the importance of staying away from germ factories!!  So I'm going to sneak into church and sit up on the stand where I go to lead the music, and then slink out of church ASAP when it is over.  So please don't anyone feel bad.  NO HUGS, as you might know, if I catch everyday bugs from someone when my blood counts are down, it could be really serious for me without an immune system to fight it.  So.......I will not be going to Relief Society or Sunday school either. This will be really hard, and I will really miss it, but it is the only way to get through this.





Kirsten a little "drugged"


At this point I suddenly realize I am talking a hundred miles an hours and being kind of goofy.  I looked over at Rachel and Dale and said "I'm  talking non-stop aren't I?" They both just looked at me and laughed!!  then I picked up the nurse call bell and said "Boy this is an awful tiny button, how do you push it?" Again.........Dale and Rachel laughed and said "follow the string up mom, it's attached to the wall...........you just pull it". Oops, I didn't notice that.  I think I am definitely not driving home!.  The pre-medication drugs they gave me to help stave off the side effects of the chemo are having their effect, but you know what............I don't care because I am actually having a great time and it is taking my mind off weightier matters. Next walks in Elizabeth and says "hi, I'm here to give you a massage!!"  The tender mercies just don't stop!!!  So she sat down and gave me the greatest foot and lower leg massage, I was definitely in heaven.  Now...........who wouldn't want to come to OHSU for treatment if you had to???

Elizabeth putting me into Nirvana

Just about when Elizabeth is done, Carol walks in and says you're done. Let get you out of here!!  I could not believe what a good day it was.  I actually had a good time.  I know it can't always be perfect, but what a way to get started.  Now I just need to stay on stop of side effects.  They told me the pre-treatment drugs they gave me will help abate the symptoms for up to two days, and that is when I'm most likely to start having them. But........everyone is different so we will just see! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Stake conference, I don't know.  But if you see  me wave to me from a distance, remember......no hugs.  I love you all!  Kirsten







                
                                      
                                                  



Letter from Emily

Dear grandma I hope that you feel better soon because I want to play with you and I hope you can take me to the park and we can play witch together and you are the witch and you capture me. You are sweet to me. I miss you alot because you are my grandma . You are special to me.

Love Emily

Day Before Chemo

"The Best laid plans of mice and men". Yep, I didn't get my day of rest to find my Nirvana or Zen spot I'm looking for.  We remembered we had a chiropractic appointment at 10am and figured well that is good and relaxing anyway. Then it turned out I had to go from there to OHSU to get some pre-chemo steroids to take tonight, there was a delay in getting the RX, we decided to sign consent forms while we were there anyway..........and well you know the drill. I got home at 3PM needing to leave at 5PM to take the Elders out for dinner (which I had planned on as a fun thing to do). 

 I got out my new MP3 player and got my computer to start "ripping" music from my CD's to it.  The problem is I'm not really sure how I did it, but it does seem to work.  Where are my grand children when I need them?

Had a blast with the Elders for dinner.  What a great way to cheer you up and calm you down.  Elder Cashin' is going home in 6 days!! This is such a turning point in his life. I am very proud of both these Elders, as I am sure Heavenly Father is too!!!  Here is our farewell picture (at the Chinese Buffet)

                                                     Elder Randall, me and Elder Chasin'

 My sister Sherry went with too, she always add some spice to the mix.  I'm really glad we had this time.I have to tell you what my fortune cookie said "Your road to glory will be rocky, but fulfilling."  Go figure!!!!!

When I got home Nancy called!  I was so glad.  I hadn't got to talk to her all week and I need her sweet spirit to spur me on too. Thanks Nancy. Three of her four kids yelled out to me in unison, "hi grandma, get better, we love you".  Now there is some power!!!  I talked to Jeff earlier in the day and he is always good for some positive affirmation (and maybe a few laughs) , Julie and Lily talked to me last night (and Lily of course sang me a song ) they are so sweet,  Catt talked to me earlier in the week and wished me well,  and Rachel is taking me tomorrow (with Dale).  So All of my children have checked in with me. ( that is not to mention nieces and nephews whom I love dearly too!!)

That is that for now. Will check in as time and opportunity allows me to, and share the next phase of this whole Cancer experience with you as I can. It begins at 9am tomorrow (infusion around 10am). Oh.....and the "Big" motivational wall begins to grow and change below:

Time for a Wig.........or two

Woke up after a great nights sleep ready to roll.  Rachel showed up to go Wig shopping with me. We left Katie home with grandpa. We went to a place called The Wig Closet, sponsored by The American Cancer Society. It is downtown Vancouver on Main Street. A volunteer named Sharon was there and waiting for us. (we had made an appointment) We had so much fun trying on different wigs.  Some I thought would look great.........definitely did NOT, others were really snazzy. I really thought I'd like this like beautiful  long strawberry blond wig.......Oh boy......no way.
We got a lot of fun pictures which I will edit into this blog as soon as I get them e-mailed to me from Rachel. I can't believe I forgot my camera again!!!  Fortunately Rachel had hers and promises to send them to me sometime tonight. Right Rachel????

                                                              Not Right!!!!!

                                                                   Getting Closer????

                                                                    Sassy!

                                                                           Gray!

                                           Some days I just might not need any hair at all!!


 I ended up with two wigs, and two soft cotton caps.  I felt overwhelmed that strangers were willing to donate this to me......they just GAVE them to me because they CARE!! Yep......you got it, I cried again, I can't seem to get away from it. Of course they were good tears.  Being surrounded by such love is truly overwhelming. Anybody mention The Willie Handcart Company?

Rachel and I then went to the Renaissance Ice Cream Parlor just a few doors down (how could we not?)  Oh man..........want a good treat..........try their home made ice cream.......... Then, a little backwards in order.......we went out for Chinese Food. I wore my short and sassy wig just to get used to it. It felt good.  It gave me confidence in my appearance when I do lose my hair.(pretty soon now)

While we were waiting for the food Rachel said, "Wouldn't it be fun just to trade into your other wig and act like nothing and see how the waiter reacts?"  We about died laughing.  I didn't have it right there with me or I think I might have done it.  The two wigs are completely different colors and lengths!!

When we got home Katie and Grandpa Dale had been busy working and having fun.  Katie helped grandpa put back all the silk planters we'd loaned out, worked on her math homework, and put together my "Big" inspirational wall for me.  I was so excited they had gotten it done for me.  This is the wall I will be looking at when I first wake up in the morning:

Note the smiley face Katie put on there

Here's one wig sitting on top of the other! What fun!

Now I can put some more inspirational thoughts right there to look at and contemplate.......when I can't do anything else.  Thanks you guys!!!


We then picked up mom and dad and met Sherry at Billygans. I can't believe I ate so much today.  But I got a message from a very reliable Nurse Practitioner today (Hi Kathy), after I was complaining about a couple things I ate wrong yesterday, that said "eat whatever you want!" So I'm having a few "last Suppers" without guilt. Not a lot of junk food, just maybe a little bit too much!

Then we all went out to see "Water for Elephants". A traumatic, yet touching love story. I enjoyed it quite a bit. When we dropped off mom and dad we went inside for a few very special minutes, and I received a Priesthood blessing for my Chemotherapy. When Dale and Dad placed their hands on my head, I once again had that experience which I love so much, where I feel the power of light, love, and peace touch the top of my head and spread throughout my body. I know what it means when the Lord says "Peace.......be still".
I will do my best.........and He will do the rest.

Tomorrow I'm staying home all day to just relax, read, and get ready.  We will go to the temple tomorrow night (early). Not knowing how I'll react to Chemo, or how my blood counts will be..........I don't know how long it will be before I'll be able to go again. That is a thought I do not relish. Thy will be done.............

Just a quick blog

Just a quick blog today. It started out with a wonderful 2 hour visit with my dear friend, Kathy, in Utah. We don't get to talk much, so when we do..........we do!  She is a great strength to me, and has lots of inspiring thoughts and ideas.

I sent a quick note to Deirdre to let her know I got an allergic rash on my chest where the dressing was.  No big surprise for me.........I'm Miss allergic.  I took Benadryl last night and it seems to be getting better.  But .......I know to keep "my team"  informed on everything.  I never know when there is something else I should know, or they should know. My mind tends to want to work overtime now anyway, so I need a rational perspective.

The rest of the day was pretty much a get things done day.  Getting ready for Thursday and trying to be as prepared as possible.  I did finally pick up a MP3 player to download music to listen to during chemo, and other times to relax and feed my soul.  I sold out for the cheaper model, but I just couldn't see buying something more expensive if this can fill my need just as well.  We'll see.  We stopped  for a brief interlude to go see "Rio" in 3D, a very cute movie, and a nice way to improve the Psyche for a bit.

Tomorrow I go to the wig shop and try on wigs...........that should prove interesting, and hopefully fun!
In 72 hours..........I will have had my first chemo.  I think I'll go take an Ativan and get a good nights sleep!!
I felt the spirit touch me when I was at Walmart and gently say "I will be with you every step of the way".
Gratitude.........I am so grateful!

HAPPY EASTER!

I woke up with the essence of yesterday floating about and through me. Oh.......the peace and love I felt at the Life of Christ!!! Then Dale says Happy Easter!!  What a way to start the day.  I am happy, I am at peace, and I'm excited to go to church and feel MORE!!!  I love taking the sacrament, it is truly a time of renewal..........for as much or as little as we want to take.

Church was as amazing as I had hoped it would be.  I was determined NOT to bear my testimony (since I had last time and everyone needs their turn) BUT my heart began pounding, as it does when I know I should bear my testimony, and I had to get up.  I had to share the spirit I had felt the night before at the Life of Christ.  It was so sweet, so tender, and yet so strong. So I bore my heart and soul...........but it was "short and sweet" ( as dad used to like to say) !!  (:  It felt good.  I love bearing my testimony......every time brings me closer to my Savior. Everyone who bore their testimony today, did so powerfully,  I FELT every one of them, and was filled with gratitude. How blessed we are to be able to share this with one another, and lift each other up with our experiences in life.

We went home and took a nap..........how exciting.............but it felt so good and so needed.  We got up in time to run over to the Williams side of the family. I told Dale it just would not feel right if we didn't go over and give them a hug.  So we went over and surprised them (as they knew we were going to my parents for Easter dinner) and sang Christ the Lord is Risen Today when they answered the door.  We went in and exchanged hugs..........love.........a story of the origin of the Easter Bunny and took a few pictures.  Family is truly what it is all about.  It felt so good to me.  I wanted to see them before I start my chemo this Thursday.  I wanted to feel of their strength too!  Below is the gift the Lord blessed us with on the way over to Mom Williams' house...........and of course a picture of them!

                                       A beautiful symbol of peace and new beginnings on the way to  see  the Williams'

                                         Mom Williams', Aunt Margie, Annette and Donald
Next we headed off to the Petersen's. Aunt Norma Ann was there too.........she is always good for some fun!  We had the usual Ham and Scallopped potatoes, yams, strawberry jello.........Oh and I had two helpings of each (something I haven't done for quite a while) but it was soooooooooo  good.  We had some fun conversation, got off on a political discussion we decided to "cool" for Easter. Then Jared showed us some slides put onto CD of us when we were kids (again) and a wonderful short CD about Easter.  It is the kind of Easter Sunday we should all have.  We left all "the bad" outside, and came in and experienced only the good today.  There is plenty of time for the world tomorrow. 








Norma Ann, Sherry and Kirsten

Mom

Dad

Jared and Mom (the two cooks!)

The Dinner Table...........YUM!

Dad and Norma Ann (brother and sister)

Just "Bro"    (:


"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoso believeith in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world. But that the world through Him might be saved."
 (this is from memory so may not be completely "correct"........so forgive me if it is slightly off)
I love you all!

Life Of Christ

Got up feeling a little sore this morning, but the sun was shining and I looked at how my bathroom "motivational board" was going and it looked good, felt good, and Dale had added his own "I love you" to it!

The board really makes me feel good..........try it!




 I got up just long enough to have Dale tell me someone was here.  Lynn and Donna were here to give me their "Easter" gift and mostly their love.  We had a lovely visit, and of course I cried.  At times I feel like I am going to be incapable of making anymore tears, I should be running out by now!

Lynn, Kirsten and Donna with special "Easter Gift"

After these dear sisters left, my sister Sherry showed up and laid down with me to just talk, rub my back, giggle, and tell me how much she loves me.  There is no end to Christ's love..........is there! I know my sister has plenty of her own aches and pains and yet she sacrifices for me.  Life is such a blessing.

I decided to drive to Freddy's for ONE thing! (and to get out into the sunshine for a bit). Dale told me it was a big mistake and Sherry told me it was a big mistake.  I thought "I'll just run in and out".  Well..........that is what I did.  I think I learned a big lesson.  That was a big mistake!!!  I was so exhausted and hurting when I got home and I could hardly complain now could I???  So I went right to bed for an hour before going to the church to see the Life of Christ exhibit.

Of all the places to forget my camera...........I can not believe it but I did.  Probably because I was still pretty tired. I sat through the choir singing about the life of Christ and felt His love and spirit so strong.  I KNEW that there is a reason I am going through my cancer " Willie handcart" experience, and that in the big picture I will be blessed for it.  I will seek for, and find those blessings, those moments when I can feel Christ carrying me, when I can walk with angels, when I can BE an angel for someone else.  They will be there, in between the "dark and dreary world" moments.

The displays were incredible, and the live actors telling of the stories of Christ were so moving.  The spirit was enveloping me with love and peace........I wish it for everyone.  I got a big hug from my friend Colleeni (that's what I call Colleen Tolva), she is incredible, and no matter how busy she is, she always e-mails me with a positive thought.  I do love her so!

My last thoughts of the Day are "He lives!"  He died for us and "He lives!" What powerful knowledge that is!

Port Placement

Well, up at 4:30am, showered, and off to OHSU......not my idea of fun but grateful we could go and get it done. We got to admitting just at they were opening up. The admitting clerk was like I've always been.........cheerful and happy in the morning.  I loved it, but I had to snicker to myself  because I remember being the only "morning" person in my family while the children were growing up and...........it was definitely not contagious or always appreciated.




Walking in.......



Dale...........prepared with EVERYTHING!







Signing in...............



Then we were taken back to the pre-op area where I got to put on the "Bear Hugger" gowns which hook up to warm air and ahhhhhhhhhhhh I love them. We decided to take pictures of my "virgin" neck and chest before they cut in to it so here it is.

Ohhhhhhhhhh. poor chest

The Nurse Anesthetist came in and we had a great conversation about how she was going to make me unaware of anything during the procedure............yep! My kind of gal! Here we are "bonding"

"make me not hurt.............."

The surgeon was very informative but I got distracted when I found out he was Norwegian ,because you know..........my mother always told me "Scandinavians are the best",( naturally we are Danish), that I forgot to ask him if we could take of picture of him too."You snooze you lose".  I told him that with the knowledge of his ancestry now I REALLY knew I was going to be O.K.

Anyway, as surgery goes, the next thing I knew it was all over and I was back in the recovery area with my nurse Erik, who is an easy going, take care of business, nice kind of guy. Once again I luck out (or is it luck? I don't really think so). I'm so grateful for all my positive experiences so far!

                                                                 Here's my "violated" chest, never to be the same

                                                      Nurse Erik, Kirsten and Dale

Well I'm happily home now. This procedure symbolizes to me the reality of truly beginning my therapy to CURE my cancer. I am ready.  I may be tough, but I'm getting smarter............I'm headed back to bed!!

























Chemo Class Day

Today Dale and I got to go to the class given at OHSU to prepare us for Chemotherapy. We got there and it turned out today there were only two patients in the class......good for us, we get more attention.  Kerry a Social Worker  and Iris  another Rn Co-ordinator for cancer taught the class

Kerry, Kirsten and Iris

I was extremely impressed with the program.  It was very informative, had a nice power point visual to help us keep up with them, and they had 2 guest speakers, a dietician and a co-ordinator to help cancer patients in getting various types of help. Everyone is so warm and caring. (the only exception being that one RN at my first MRI....but everyone has a bad day eh?) I really get the sense that I truly have a "team" not only working with me but cheering for me. I got a lot of questions clarified about diet, drugs, timing of things, and a whole lot of whys??? Which if you know me, I do much better if I understand! With just two of us there we still went a little overtime!!  Deidre "MY" study RN was there ready and waiting for me.

Deirdre and ME

I had e-mailed her that now my great fear of "Metastasis" was alleviated, my great fear of nausea and vomiting was rearing its big ugly head.  She immediately said she'd meet me right after the class and we could talk!! There she was, with her quick wit and caring manner, along with the "hug" that always means a lot to me.  She went over all the various drugs they would use "just to start with" some prophylactically (just before treatment) some during treatment, and some afterwards!! Then she made it clear if they weren't enough we could vamp it up until it was.  I felt a great sense of relief wash over me.  I can do this.  I am seeing how "tiredness" (which may be an understatement) is definitely going to be a profound part of all this.  Between the drugs, which I'm very grateful for, and the bone marrow suppression, I should get a little tired..........

We left OHSU happy, relieved, and ready for some temple time. We got there and had our usual meal: a big club salad, homemade soup, homemade roll and tapioca pudding!!  Had another great session at the temple and we were asked to be the witness couple.  I felt it was a real honor and a special gift from my Heavenly Father to be able to do this the day before my Port is placed for chemo. I really felt the love and peace in there.

Afterwards we did our walk around the temple and were surprised to see two ducks in the reflection pool on the east side of the temple.  They were so cute and just having a blast swimming around. Neither of us have ever seen ducks there before!! Dale sat me down on the corner of the reflection pool and grabbed my hand and said "will you marry me forever".  No throwing up here now you guys..........this was very special and meaningful to me because..........that is where he actually did ask me to marry him!!!  It just validated the strength we feel in our abilities as a couple to love and nurture each other through this temporary "bump" in the road, and then on...........forever!

Dale with the ducks at the reflection pond

Well, we're off to bed as we have to get up early to be to OHSU by 6am. Surgery is at 7:30. Here is a thought that has been on my mind today:

"no society is stronger than the moral fiber of it's people"   Sheri Dew
How is does this relate to all this............in every way, just ponder it.